I guess that’s not entirely true. In fact, all morning I had been back and forth with what I actually wanted to do that day. A big part of me wanted to go see the Mayan ruins and go on a search for some delicious Mexican food, but there was another part of me that wanted, or needed, to not do any of it. After much deliberation I chose not to go ashore.
I am strong believer in taking time to process. I have been especially aware of the importance of this recently. This summer was a time of change and soul searching, frustration and fun. This cruise was a blast and such a sweet time with friends, but the sweetest time of all was the day I stayed back. It had nothing to do with them, and so much to do with who I am.
I had moments were I felt like I wasn’t being true to who I am, that I wasn’t soaking in every little bit of adventure and seeking out new horizons. But I soon came to realize I had made the very best choice. As I sat on an empty deck with notebook and pen, I realized just how much had happened in the last few weeks that I had not processed. Words started to flow and it was absolutely therapeutic.
I learned a lot about my processing process. What my mix of internal, external, and whatever writing counts as, looks like. The weeks leading up to the trip had been full to the brim with work and people and life, and I hadn’t realized how much I had pushed thoughts to the side. Events both big and small had taken place and I had subconsciously ignored their effect on my life. I had not taken the time to think about it or wrestle through it.
So I stayed back. I rested. I enjoyed where I was and I marveled at the series of events that had led me there. I wrote. I read. I processed.
At the end of the afternoon I felt rejuvenated and rested. I officially felt like I had had a vacation, and it was lovely.